It's almost the end of June. Soon its gonna be August and my bros wedding. I haven't gotten around to writing in a while, mostly been playing games. I've been fascinated by the market side of the game economy and for a while I pretty much knew that I probably can't raise the steadily declining prices on goods to buy there, but I still try. I believe its because I see it as a challenge, but that is inherently stupid, more likely i want to know for certain how things work at the most fundamental level.
I want to be able to prove things by thinking things through, but I guess sometimes in life you just have to submit to higher priorities. Some things are more important. You cant keep on relying on theory forever. At some point you are going to have to take a chance, play all your cards and hope for the best - either you get it or you don't because what you are pursuing also does not want to get caught.
Ultimately, we chase life, but it's even more exciting for the unexpected to chase back.
Over time I have come to know the different ways that people can't be good at all things. My own personality suggests some kind of laxity in the cognitive area. Apparently all that processing power goes on behind my back producing a knack for exactness. I am right, exactly. I can be wrong, absolutely! I come here, on time, randomly - in pieces!
For now, let logic hear me out, since I have turned a part of my life to gambling. As soon as I began I knew I begat trouble. Gambling involves some kind of contract between your will and your imagination. Your last will have to surrender to the imagination, yet meantime, while you are yet struggling with the other enticements of life - you will have to keep busy your imagination with sidelines.
Winning by playing the parts.
Reason out. The quickest way to lose with my sort of character. Just try it. Find out why it's impossible and you'll even desire to challenge impossible odds. You'll end up believing in miracles, you'll even start to pray your prayers. You are an influence, you can do no wrong, you are lucky because you're always in the right place at the right time. Well you are right. You definitely believe you are right. You are sincere.
I was losing money, no matter what I do, I did the math. I crunched more than a bunch of probabilities and moral implications. I crunched until I lost count of what I was doing it for, as if crunching was all that ever mattered in the world, just to get more done. Yet the payoff can give you quite a bit of confusion and a heck of a lot of drive to do more crunching. In short a whole lot of circular thinking.
If I were a ghost I would fear those circles that bite, but what do I really lack? So many plans, half baked, would go through my head. I do not deny that I am intelligent. Eventhough I have yet to access much of the information that goes in the background, it seems I am attracted to the bright lights thinking and the neon shadows it casts.
The best part.
You find out when you lose. You think its too late. You're so happy because you get a second chance and you blow it because things happen too fast. Yet boundaries are self imposed. Sometimes, play. Go at it with all your heart and you just might get it, Does it matter if you get something else? When the unexpected chases you, you must also run, to catch your breath.
